THE LIFE WHICH HAS NEVER EXISTED
I will not disclose this woman's secret to you. I will not tell you all the details of what has brought her to that grey building, located downtown, which she was not destined to leave.
It was for more than an hour that Ira and her aunt have been sitting in the hallway of a large medical center. They were waiting for a certain doctor to see them. To their relief, loud steps were distinctly heard at last. Without slowing down, the famous physician passed by those who were waiting for a consultation and with a barely perceptible gesture pointed at the door of his office, grumbling: "Come in". They were ready. Tatiana Valerievna grabbed the handles of her niece's wheelchair with a fast and skilful movement and quickly rolled her along the long hallway after the physician.
- And now, Natasha, imagine: Auntie grabs my wheelchair and barely keeps up with him. The doctor is racing so that his lab coat is streaming behind him. We nearly knocked down some lady, I just had time to yell back "sorry" at her. And then, super! Are you sitting? Better sit down, it's worth it. Imagine an abrupt, I would say, a deafening hiss of the brakes. It was definitely not us who were pulling up. We were already far behind in this race, and thank God, or there would be no avoiding a head-on collision. Well, this accelerating doctor slows down, turns towards us abruptly and looks at me, like a boa constrictor at a rabbit, without blinking, for about thirty seconds. Then, with an expressionless face, he looks at Auntie and asks her a question which, I believe, will become the burden of all my life: "Does she communicate?" No, you can't imagine what I felt! I was ready to hear this or something like this anywhere but in a medical facility and from a doctor Not just some doctor! But the Head of this and a PhD in that And Tanya says like an automaton: "Yes Of course". She could have said "Give your paw to the gentleman, that's a good girl!" I was shocked! I was so confused that I could only answer: "You know, I can also play chess, wouldn't you like to play a game, dear Sir? Your coffee, my chess".
The door swung open, Auntie entered the room carrying a tray.
- Ira, you have been on the phone for over two hours. Cut it short, please. You need to eat after all.
- Okay, Natashka, sorry. Tanya has brought some soup, I need to eat my lunch, otherwise she will be offended. What? Oh, I don't know, they said they would call as soon as there is a vacancy. Yes. As soon as it is over, all the guys will be after me. Okay, just kidding. All right, I'll leave one for you, but it'll be the lousiest one Listen! Don't forget to bring your articles to me tomorrow, I'll check them. Well, that's it. Kiss you! Bye.
The story of this 27-year old woman is not especially interesting in any way. A disability can be severe or it can be mild. Of course, I am speaking about the physical condition, as it passes with a terrible pain over the soul and leaves its scars. A disability can be like in the fairy-tale "The Seven-Petal Floweret": a boy who looked no different from other children was sitting on a bench Or it can be very conspicuous, and in order to shake the hand of such a person healthy people have to take a deep breath. Irina got a full share, and nothing could be done about it. Her father, as soon as he saw his daughter who was beyond his comprehension of "normal" children, packed his things and left at once. And never again remembered about her existence. Her mother died several years later, and the mother's elder sister with her husband took her into their house. Her uncle and aunt brought her up as their own daughter, the more that God has never given them any children of their own.
Ira's world was limited by a large armchair, and at night - her ottoman. She felt good: warm, cozy. The telephone was her best friend, as well as the TV set, the computer, the radio and books. Lots of books.
Her relatives spoiled her as much as they could. And sometimes they vented the pent-up fatigue on her out of helplessness. Tatiana Valerievna and Konstantin Mikhailovich were aging before her eyes, and more and more often there were talks in the house about how she would live if, Lord forbid
Ira decided to go to that notorious medical center in order to correct one small defect which was totally unrelated to her main condition. She just wanted to be a little more beautiful. To smile a tiny bit more gently. Millions of people do this with the use of simple anesthetics. She received general anesthesia. The doctors decided to be on the safe side, it seemed to them to be the surest way. She fell asleep
She died without regaining consciousness. Died without becoming more beautiful.
Many years have passed, but the questions never stop whirling: what was that, that fate? The life of this person was over - she fulfilled her destiny: even being very seriously ill, she understood, felt and dared to be a woman. Or everything is more trivial and simple: somebody decided to play at being God. Somebody who has never seen a person with a great desire to live in her.
An arm-chair, tea and a lamp,
A telephone and a modem -
This is all that she has.
But she wanted love,
And only sweet girlish dreams
Could believe her.
Everybody around treated her as a creature
Who eats, drinks, reads, remains silent.
And nobody knew
That she was willing to trade this peace for a dance in the night.
Never - it's a strange word, a misfortune
She did not learn what love was.
Neither a prayer, nor willpower, nor a clenched fist
Could not and did not help.
And nobody ever learned this pain,
She took everything with her.
Only her diary remained
In her empty armchair,
All covered with the writing of her fragile hand.
If somebody says: "Such is the fate"
I will answer you: "You are lying, my friends!"
She was denied an opportunity to be happy,
It is you and me who are to blame for it.
Locking a person up
What has fate to do with it?!
This is so funny it hurts.
Maybe she would have lived alone anyway,
But I implore you, open the window_
An armchair, tea and a lamp, a telephone and a modem -
This is all her world, she lived in it.
Many more than you know live like this
Never, never Never